For all of history music has been used in one way or another to influence people. Think of America’s
Star-Spangled Banner, it’s not just a song we sing at sporting events, but rather a song that creates a
sense of loyalty. Every school has its own fight song that again creates a sense of loyalty.

          On the other hand, music can also help keep certain beliefs going, or in the case of this blog post
encourage the rape culture. A strong example of this is the song Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke and
Pharrel Williams. A Christmas song that is doing the same is Baby It’s Cold Outside. To be honest that is
one of my favorite Christmas songs; I love the back and forth banter between the male and female
singers and the tune is catchy. Though after I listened with the ears of a woman who is passionate about
speaking out against sexual violence and rape culture, I was saddened to realize it truly is a song that
encourages the rape culture.

         So really what’s the big deal with the song? The few lines that scream out at me are her saying she has
to leave and him pressuring her to stay and then the line about what’s in this drink with the idea he
either overloaded her with alcohol or worse yet slipped a drug in her drink, both would constitute sexual
assault should it progress beyond him trying to prevent her leaving.

         The #MeToo movement is being blamed for trying to villainize songs everywhere, but it’s not the
movement and that’s not the purpose of calling attention to these songs. People everywhere are
listening to these songs and just as the Star-Spangled Banner can create feelings of loyalty, these songs
can encourage behavior that is not just morally wrong, but at times also criminally wrong.

          Next time you’re singing along with one the songs that have been put under fire stop and think if my
daughter, wife, cousin, friend, etc. were being treated or talked about in this way would I be okay with
that? My guess is your answer would be absolutely not.   

By: Cassie Potts, MA, LPC. 

 

Halloween is only a couple weeks away and keeping our kids safe is something we’re all concerned with. Do you only trick or treat on “trick or treat streets”? Do you avoid the “bad” neighborhoods or go door to door with your child being an active participant? Maybe you check the candy before the kids get any (taking your portion while you’re at it?!). A safety concern that needs to be looked at as well is protecting your child from sexual assault while they are out.

Growing up in the 80’s/90’s stranger danger was what was being taught. It was the idea that children were sexually assaulted by the creepy guy hiding around the corner or in the bushes ready to pounce on you at any given point. A lot has changed since that time and we now know that strangers aren’t really the ones we need to worry about when protecting our children against sexual assault. Statistically we know that children are most often sexually abused by someone they know; looking at the numbers 30% of cases are committed by family members, 60% by someone known to the family and only 10% is actually by strangers. It’s easy to wonder how this happens, how someone close to your family could harm a child within it and the answer is grooming, but that’s a whole other blog post!

So how do we protect our kids? Start by asking questions (and get annoying about it) – who are they going with, what adults will be around, where are they going, etc. If something seems off or doesn’t feel right stop them from going or tag along. When they get home talk to them about their night and if anything made them uncomfortable and do so being ready to really listen. A great book to read together now and any time is “I Said No!” by Zack and Kimberly King. It does a great job role playing different situations and saying no as well as getting to safety. We need to teach our children about sexual assault and what to do if they get in a situation where they don’t feel safe in order to protect them. If you’re interested in learning more about protecting kids a great resource is the Darkness to Light class offered at S.A.R.A.; to learn more call them at 970-867-2121.

By: Cassie Potts, MA, LPC.

During a recent event at a local college we polled students there asking “Which do you think is higher”?                                               A) People who are insure of reporting sexual assault or                                                                                                                                         B) People who falsely report.

While 71% chose A, 29% still chose B (In case you’re wondering the incorrect answer is B),

Many people believe that the majority of cases are false reports or a case of “morning after regret”, however, statistically we know this isn’t the case. In fact three different studies found false reporting to be at 7.1%, 5.9% and 2.1%  https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/Publications_NSVRC_Overview_False-Reporting.pdf . I am not an a statistician, but I’d venture to say that those numbers don’t constitute a majority or even a large amount! 

Often people will think that a victim recanting (taking back their story) is evidence that they were laying in the first place, there are many reasons a victim may recant. These reasons include, though certainly are not limited to; not feeling believed, fear of retaliation by the perpetrator pressure from family/friends to “drop the chargers”, embarrassment, etc. In fact the vast majority of cases are never reported; it’s estimated that 63% of cases are never reported to the police! 

So next time you hear another #MeToo story or someone you know shares with you that they were sexually assaulted instead of asking yourself “Were they really?” ask yourself how you can support them through the very difficult reporting process because they need your support not your criticism. 

  By: Cassie Potts, MA, LPC.

 

 

When a person is the victim of sexual assault there rarely are any outwardly signs or symptoms that they have been assaulted as there are in other types of assaults. You likely won’t see any bruises, bleeding or even broken bones. The injuries sustained are much deeper and harder to see and easier to hide from others. If injuries were able to be seen they would look something like shame, guilt, depression and fear.
Healing from sexual assault isn’t easy. Often victims hear “time heals all wounds” or similar adages, however, in the case of sexual assault this rarely proves true and only adds to the shame, guilt, depression and fear. In fact statistically sexual assault survivors are three times more likely to develop depression, four times more likely to think about suicide and 13 times more likely to attempt it. They are also 13 times more likely to have problems with alcohol and 26 times more likely to have problems with drugs. These statistics are daunting and eye opening. How often are survivors told to just get over it, or do friends and family get annoyed when weeks later the survivor is still struggling?
When looked deeper there is a biological reason survivors don’t just “get over it”. When someone survives a trauma there are physiological changes that occur in the brain. Stress hormones are released that directly affect memory; not just of the event either, they affect all short term memories! In an effort to protect the person the brain also makes generalizations about the trauma so that it’s not just the perpetrator wearing a red shirt that is dangerous but maybe now it’s anyone wearing a red shirt. The survivor is likely living in a constant fight (angry), flight (always looking for ways out) or freeze.
This all sounds very bleak and could almost make one think that there is no hope for survivors, but there is! It comes in many forms; the first and most important is being believed and supported by loved ones. The survivor will doubt themselves constantly, but having loved ones believe them and support them will help them begin to trust themselves again. The second is in the form of therapy. There are many therapists skilled in treating trauma, however, just going to a therapist isn’t always enough. Unlike seeing a doctor one must feel a connection with their therapist. A lot of the healing that comes in therapy is born out of a relationship of trust and connection between the therapist and client.
There are many different approaches to treating trauma in therapy; two evidenced based approaches are trauma focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT) and eye movement desensitization reprocessing (EMDR). With a “simple” trauma EMDR can (though not always) work in as little as six sessions. For more information about EMDR and to even find those practicing EMDR the website www.emdria.org has great information.
When it comes down to it survivors can’t and won’t “just get over it”. They need support and encouragement from loved ones, knowledge that they aren’t alone and many times assistance from a therapist skilled in treating trauma that they can feel a connection with.

By: Cassie Potts, MA, LPC

The holiday season is now in full swing and with that typically comes gatherings with family and friends. While visiting with our loved ones it’s very common to tell our kiddos to go give so and so a hug; at times our kiddo is shy and reluctant to do so and our common response is something to the effect of “that’s not very nice you need to give them a hug”. While “Aunt Sarah” might be a little hurt that they didn’t get a hug, it’s so much more important to allow our children to make their own rules about their bodies. We can go a step further and explain to family and friends that our children set their own rules for physical contact and encourage them to join us in praising them when they set these body rules. Frequently in our house you will hear one of my children tell the other “my body, my rules!” It’s so important that we teach our children that they get to set the rules (aka boundaries) for their bodies whether it’s with “Aunt Sarah”, grandma, grandpa or in the future a boyfriend/girlfriend. In doing so we can help prevent them from becoming victims of sexual assault. Some may think that one has nothing to do with another, but consider the teenage girl who has always been pushed to give affection so as to avoid hurting someone and is then pushed into a situation that they are uncomfortable with by a relative or acquaintance because they will make them “sad” if they don’t give in. We are not only teaching our children body safety we are also teaching them that they are not responsible for making others  feel happy. 

I challenge everyone this holiday season to listen to your kids when they are reluctant to give physical affection to go with it and teach them that it’s their body and their rules!

-Cassie Potts, MA, LPC